<:: UEMC XO Personal Log

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<:: Insert Name: GEames
<:: Insert Password: **********
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<:: Welcome, Gabe.

<:: Log #001

Survival > Morality > Loyalty.

This is my law of surviving war. I’ve lived by it since my Gunny beat it into my head on Duskstar and it’s pretty much the complete opposite of what other marines follow. Loyalty is supposed to be one of the most important things in military life. You’re expected to follow every order without question and put faith in the abilities of your commanding officers.

But what if your commanders are incompetent? What if they order you commit acts that go against your duties and violate your morals? Then you take a stand is what you do. At least that’s what I do. It’s not about heroics, it’s about being able to live with yourself. Being able to look in the mirror in the morning and not hate your own reflection. However, loyalty and morals don’t mean shit if you’re dead. They might pin a medal to your corpse for giving your life in a pointless, suicidal, charge. But for what? You’re dead. Your body doesn’t give a damn about a chunk of metal or a ribbon. It doesn’t dull the pain for your loved ones at all. It does nothing.

While this law has gotten me into trouble in the past, it’s never really failed me. Until now that is. There’s just too much gray. The people on this fucking boat... I don’t know if they’ve gone crazy or if they’ve always been this damn stupid. The spook commander managed to establish himself alliances through a web of lies. The worst thing is that people actually believe the man. It’s his job to lie to people and the fools soak in every word he says. Cortez, Xera, so many others. He claims that Lewandowski gave military secrets to the Cretin. Who in their right fucking mind would do that willingly? No sane person on this boat, that’s for sure. So it’s obviously a ruse being used to rally the crew to him. An exaggeration at worst. He’s simply playing on their emotions.

Then he started all the bullshit paranoia about EMMI being rogue or something when he obviously doesn’t understand a damn thing about it. I heard the techs talk about it. EMMI is required to keep life support stable due to the damage the Jutland sustained, that's why her blocks to it were removed. And the stupid bastard tried to unplug her. Nearly killed all of us. If EMMI wanted to kill us, we'd be dead. He's a much bigger threat than she is. God damned lunatic.

Then you got Lewandowski herself. She can’t keep the crew together for the life of her. Says she wants the marines to work more closely with the crew but most of the time does nothing to shut up the fleeties when they run their mouths. We saved them from ONI that day in the mess. I may have been acting against orders, but we saved them. Not that it really matters now I suppose. Cortez saw it fit to get us deemed tyrants by betraying the crew a second time. Tossed out every damn thing we did to protect this crew. She knew where we stood and made the decision anyways. Damn officers think they know everything. Maybe if they'd pull their heads out of their asses they'd see things more clearly.

I don’t even know why I’m typing this. I’ve never made one before and no one can really read it. Just needed to vent I guess, maybe just wanting to get some last words out so people might read this years down the line and understand what happened. The survival part of my law is basically out the window because I assume I’ll be dead within the next few days. If the spook gets control he’ll put a bullet in my head for standing against him. Cortez might do it for disobeying orders. Perhaps some crew members will kill me for simply being a marine, judging me for the actions committed by my brothers-in-arms.

I think I’ll get drunk tonight. Everyone above me in the chain seems to be ignoring reg’s that are much more severe than me having a few drinks. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll save myself further trouble and blow my brains out. Maybe walk out the airlock and never come back. It'll likely be a quicker death than whatever other fate awaits me. I’ll sleep on it.

<:: Log ends.